The Internet Stole My Idea

Ooo, I’m mad. I’ve been trying to come up with a name for a blog, so I can inflict this and similar articles upon an audience greater than myself, Herself, and the spellchecker. Herself has kindly sent me a link to the Google blog creator, which is asking me for a name for my blog. Caution, it says, there may be other blogs out there already with the name you’d like, so choose wisely, dungeoneer.

Herself has suggested Transsexual In The City, which is both witty and accurate, but I dunno, it’d be like me waving the tranny flag in everyone’s faces. Or like someone else having a blog called Black Man With Tourette’s In The City. Strictly factual, and certain to tick a few demographic boxes on the old search engine, but maybe not what the blogger wants everyone in the whole bliming world to primarily associate with them. Could be just me though.

Anyhoos, I’m stuck for a blog name. The first I came up with is Mental Blog. Gettit? But to be sure it’s unique, I Googled it, and hey presto, there’s at least three matches already. Then I thought of It’s Bloggering Time, but the same deal. Better forget any puns on blog, they’ve all been done. Then I thought of using one of the amusing puns I’ve thought of over the years and taken the trouble to write down in my List of Cool Ideas. Yes I have a word document called List Of Cool Ideas. I imagine Dan Brown has something similar.

I fished out one of my favourite titles, Under Mirkwood, and Googled it. Some bugger’s already got there. Mordor She Wrote – same again, thanks to some Twittering oaf. I have others I could try, but by this point I’ve become rather disheartened. I thought of them there puns all by myself. Just like Samedi Night Fever, and Scooby Dubh. Have all my cool ideas already been thought of by other people, and posted up on the internet just to mock me with their ‘I thought of it first’ness? The bastards.

This wouldn’t have happened in the olden days, before we all got connected and posted up every damn thought that came into our heads. In the olden days, you thought of something clever, like, I dunno, calling your donkey ‘Hotay’, and everyone in your village thought you were bloody Oscar Wilde. If Oscar Wilde had been famous by then. Or maybe Moliere, if you were French and/or poncy.

The point is, the internet has collected everyone’s ideas so effectively that there’s precious little room for someone like me (moderate imagination, obsessive compulsion to create puns) to be the one and only thinker-up of things. In all the millions of people online, there’s always someone who’s thought of it as well, and usually before, me. Death to the internet I say, or at least death to those who think of cool things before me.

My current choice for a blog name is the Chocolate Ocelot’s Pouch. Let’s see someone come up with that.