The Chocolate Ocelot's 2016 Fringe - Day Three

SUNDAY 7TH AUGUST 2016


Celts
Exhibition Gallery 1 @ National Museum of Scotland
The idea of a shared Celtic heritage across ancient Europe retains a powerful hold over the popular imagination. But many ideas about the people known as Celts are more recent reimaginings, reinvented over the centuries.
The Ocelot says: Look, I like a good exhibition as much as the next person who likes exhibitions exactly the same amount as me, but do we really need to see 37 gold torcs and 53 silver brooch pins? I contend that we do not. Two or three gets the message across quite adequately. You could keep the rest safely locked up, or even flog them to the Chinese and free up more museum space for, I dunno, a celebration of Oor Wullie or something more interesting. I did like the wooden chariot though, and the silver Gundestrup cauldron. It was just like in Slaine. 3/5

Fête Worse Than Death
The Annexe @ Paradise in The Vault
Welcome to the village fête in Llanfairchwaraesboncen, nestled in the South Wales Valleys. Join your host, 76-year-old village busybody Eirys Evans, in a fun-filled romp complete with competitions, slide shows and audience participation. 
The Ocelot says: Jolly good character comedy from Karen Sherrard on her first Fringe (we had a bit of a chat beforehand). She played a little old Welsh lady running a crappy village fete and the fete's star guest, not-Charlie-Dimmock lady gardener Esme de Flange, whose stream of relentless horticultural double-entendres was like a Viz strip come to life. Sadly I didn't win anything in the raffle. 4/5

Etherwave: Adventures with the Theremin
Grassmarket 3 @ Sweet Grassmarket
Notorious performer Hypnotique tells her personal story about the world’s first electronic instrument (from 1920s Russia) and its influence on music today – including Led Zeppelin, Kraftwerk and Portishead. In this multimedia talk and music performance, expect tall tales of KGB espionage, spooky soundtracks and her encounters with Amazonians, Bob Moog and Simon Cowell.
The Ocelot says: The theremin's a weird instrument. Like the violin, if played badly it's a dire assault on the ears and the soul. Still and all, Miss Hypnotique puts on a most entertaining and educational hour about the invention and use of the peculiar electronic instrument. 3/5

Tom Neenan: Vaudeville
Buttercup @ Underbelly Med Quad
Backstage at the Vaudeville Theatre hear dark and hilarious tales of magic, malevolence and misfortune in this one-man portmanteau horror comedy from master storyteller, comedian and writer Tom Neenan.
The Ocelot says: Always a pleasure to see one-man maestro Tom Neenan put on another spoof, this time a riff on the portmanteau horror format like Dead of Night and Dr Terror's House of Horrors. I thought I would be safe on the front row with him, but sadly I was roped into a bit of audience participation, though just for a card trick (which was very well done). The high point for me were the three theatrical agents, played Macbeth-witch style by Tom and his two hands - all very Falsetto Sock Puppetty, which is no bad thing. 5/5

Marvellous Adventures of Mary Seacole
studio 2 @ C venues – C nova
The fascinating story of the Jamaican/Scottish woman who braved the Crimean War to tend to wounded soldiers, described as ‘a warm and successful physician, who doctors and cures all manner of men with extraordinary success’. We watch her progression from a child identifying medicinal herbs, to the horrors of war and epidemic when she entered Sevastopol.
The Ocelot says: Jolly fine life story of the lady in question by Cleo Sylvestre though I remain unconvinced that Seacole made any significant medical contribution, she was evidently a brave and kind woman. Well done to Cleo Sylvestre for doing the whole performance in full heavy Victorian frockage. 4/5

MMORPG Show
Ballroom @ Gilded Balloon at the Counting House
Combining improvised comedy with tabletop gaming in an epic, sprawling, open world, entirely made up fantasy quest of the audience's own devising. Every show is different. Every choice has a consequence, every success or failure decided by a large D20 (20-sided dice).
The Ocelot says: Paul Flannery of Knightmare Live fame stages a tabletop adventure for 3 'randomly selected' volunteers from the audience, and with silly suggestions from the rest of us, they attempt to roleplay and roll their way through a short quest. At least 2 of the 3 volunteers (bad luck CJ for coming second at Hungry Hungry Battle Hippos) have their own shows on here, including Erin McGathy from the Harmontown podcast. Only problem with this show is that I didn't completely enjoy it coz I secretly kinda wanted to be one of the three adventurers. 4/5

Tdipus Rex
Frooty Goose @ Platform 13
The classic Greek tragedy acted out entirely in dinosaur costumes. Betrayed by his best friend, in love with his mother and far from home, can Tdipus overcome close harmony Persians, Geordie harpies and Cyclops from the X-Men and save the day?
The Ocelot says: Of all the Greek sauropod dramas on at the Fringe, this is the best seen so far. The most memorable scene comes when the titular hero struggles to claw out his own eyes with his pathetically short arms. 3/5

Lady's Guide to the Art of Being a Wingman
Balcony @ Gilded Balloon Teviot
The Desperettes are girls dressed as boys, using techniques for picking up women to pick up men. Got it? Good!  Expect sharp comedy and tight harmonies as the girls defy gender singing a huge soundtrack of classic pop, including Destiny’s Child, Justin Timberlake and Salt’n’Pepa.
The Ocelot says: Slick comedy cover songs from three talented performers from Australia, dressed as Reservoir Dogs in pink beehives. Some light sauce and gentle audience interaction and a fine medley of ladypop singing. 4/5

Quirky Incident
Managed to lose something again. Again! This time it was my trusty dictaphone thing, with which Herself and I record our reviews post each show. This is a) to help me remember stuff for this here blog and b) to make us look sort of like gonzo journos in the hope that someone cool will want to talk to us. I can report that b) has not yet happened. 
But on the plus side, I did find the dictaphone voice thing when I ran back into the Counting House and found it where it'd fallen out of my rubbish jeans pocket. Damn you, rubbish jeans and your shallow front pockets! I lost twentyfive quid out of you at Salute in April, but I was too ashamed to admit it publicly. UNTIL NOW.

Forgot to mention I saw this too

The Chocolate Ocelot's 2015 Fringe: Awards

Screw the Perrier Awards or whatever they're called these days. The Golden Ocelots are the true mark of Fringe fame or failure.

Most resounding endorsement from a flyerer

"Me mam’s seen it. She said it was alright."

Most tenuous ornithological segue from a flyerer

"Excuse me, are those seagulls printed on your backpack?"

"Um, no, they’re swallows."

"Oh, not seagulls?"

"No, you see the forked tails…"

"Only we’re doing a production of the last act of Chekov’s The Seagull and I thought you might like to see it."

Most redundant recommendation from a flyerer

"He’s quite famous"

Most slappable face on a poster

Baldy leather kilt wearer Craig Hill: Playing With My Selfie, for the second year running.

Runner-up goes to Carl Donnelly: Jive Ass Honky, for the sheer ubiquity of his moody makeover mug on every bloody lamppost in town.

The Lee Evans Award for Sweatiest Performer

The Story Beast, who managed to sweat right through his raincoat. God knows what state it’ll be in by the end of the month.

Swankiest eating experience

Jamie's restaurant in the Assembly Rooms. You can sit at a wee table on your own and not look like a complete Johnny No-Mates. Especially if you are wearing a made-up Fringe lanyard and are trying your best to look like a hard-working performer in between gigs.

Worst pub service

Has to go to the bearded , somewhat Scandinavian barman at the Blind Poet on West Nicholson Street who pointedly ignored me in favour of several later patrons standing directly in front of him, and who ensured his award by snapping at a nice lady who asked if he could put the music back on. Beardy Scando Barman, you can just bum right off.

Most disappointing tea

The ash grey tepidity served at the Nation Museum of Scotland.

Yummiest biscuit

The heart-shaped shortbread sold at the Modern Art Gallery.

Comfiest seats

The armchairs in one of the Gilded Balloon bars.

Honourable mention to the chaises longues at Madamoiselle Macaron.

Worst seats

The cramped chairs in the Paradise In The Vault, a glorified corridor. When the guy in front of me sat down he almost dislocated both my kneecaps.

Most overrated show

One Man Breaking Bad: the unauthorised parody. Love of the source material cannot make up for lack of pace and precious few chuckles.

Favourite shows (in no particular order)

Jon Ronson: So You've Been Publicly Shamed (talk)

Tom Neenan: The Andromeda Paradox (comedy)

Blam! (physical)

The Story Beast (comedy)

The Rattlesnake's Kiss (theatre)

The Chocolate Ocelot's 2015 Fringe: Day Four

Tuesday 11th August 2015

Jon Ronson: So You've been Publicly Shamed

Assembly Rooms, Princes Street

Went to the excellent Jon Ronson talk on public shaming. They played Uptown Funk before he came on, which made me worry that I'd booked to see entirely the wrong Ronson.

He's so splendidly shuffly and unprepossessing. It feels less like he's putting on a dweeby act to sucker people in, which is the vibe I get from Louis Theroux.

Fascinating stuff about people who said something dumb and then got pilloried online by thousands of strangers, notable Justine Sacco. The democracy of social media turns to mob rule.

There was time for a Q&A at the end, and I'm pleased to say that Ronson's old investigation into the Bilderberg Group, Bohemian Grove and the great stone owl of Moloch came up.

Main thing I took away from this though was that I should not go anywhere near something called 'twitter'. Not even with somebody's else's bargepole.

Kevin McMahon: Quantum Magic

Gilded Ballon, Teviot

A pleasant hour spent in the company of this research scientist turned stage magician. Excellent sleight of hand and misdirection - his card and coin tricks are extremely deft.

The science bits don't always come across so well; perhaps a little dry. Maybe that's just me - it's halfway through our week already and the old brain is starting to calcify. Too many new experiences, not enough RAM.

Nice little bit of 3D specs magic at the end.

I bumped into crime writer Val McDermid as we left the Gilded Balloon. I immediately shook her hand, said I loved the books and especially her radio series on forensics. In retrospect, this may have come over a bit too full-on and I apologise.

She had very cold hands, by the way.

Thrones! The Musical

Assembly George Square Studios

Whistlestop tour through the juggernaut that is the Game of Thrones TV show, brought to us by Baby Wants Candy. A talented cast portrays both rabid GoT fans about to watch the final episode and all the major characters.

Some excellent strong voices and funny songs. I kinda got lost in the 'names of every character you need to know' number, but that's only to be expected.

The white walkers' N-Sync number and Cersei's walk of shame (somewhat reminiscent of a naked Aunty Val in League of Gentlemen) were particular highlights.

Had a particularly fleshy crepe afterwards, and struggled to finish it before its cooling rubbery texture revolted me to my core. When will I learn...

Tom Neenan: The Andromeda Paradox

Pleasance Dome

Having seen his The Haunting at Lopham House (a comic pastiche of MR James and Woman in Black type ghost stories) last year, I really wanted to catch Tom Neenan's one-man parody of classic British sci-fi. And as it mainly spoofs my beloved Quatermass and the Pit, I was so there.

Unassuming scientist with father issues Bernard Andromeda is called to investigate a curious excavation in London's Devils' Crescent tube station. Encountering a plant-loving (no, really loving) German botanist, a loyal female assistant and a cute tiny green thing along the way. He's an excellent physical performer.

My pick of the day for sure. One for my 7TV chums.

Hal Cruttenden: Straight Outta Cruttenden

Pleasance

Not sure what I expected from Hal Cruttenden. I'd heard him doing pleasantly amusing schtick on Radio 4, probably in a lazy quiz-format show where a panel of four comediators are asked a series of open-ended thematic topics and are assigned completely spurious points at the end of each round like anybody cares. But I rant digress.

I rather liked his mixture of straight-camp musings on fatherhood, public school and gangster rap, all delivered with a decidedly cherubic grin. His stance on a particular social media phenomenon (that of annually commemorating a parent's death) is one I heartily endorse.

Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre: Minging Detectives

Gilded Balloon Teviot

Now don't get me wrong: I love the Socks. We've seen them many times. And they went down a storm this evening, one woman sat behind us particularly howling with glee.

But I reckon I've seen the act one time too many now - even with new material about TV detectives this year, it is largely the same basic format (of course it is, it has to be) of a sock puppet Abbott and Costello in squeaky voices.

Or it could simply be that it was my sixth show of the day...

Will Seaward: Spooky Midnight Ghost Stories II

Gilded Balloon Teviot

Midnight. So tired now, so very tired. Why did I agree to a seventh show? Why?

Will Seaward's very good. Avuncular, in a Gelliant Gutfright (look it up) sort of way. Everyone else was hooting and loving his comedy tales of silly spookiness. But I was stuck in the very front row, hallucinating with exhaustion and eyelids drooping heavily, longing for bed.

Maybe he could do a spooky 6pm ghost story show for weaklings like me...

Fin

Back to base for shortbread and Secret Wars comics.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Chocolate Ocelot's 2014 Fringe - Day Four

Shambolic audio diary of the day's events here

CJ Hooper's LJ of the day here

Hump day! No, that's not rude. I mean we're already halfway through our week here. Boo and very much hiss.

Herself wants us to go out for breakfast this morning, so again with the highly compressed summary of the day's events.

By crikey I'm tired. I thank Allfather Odin's wisdom that I decided to forego fashionable footwear for the comfortable sporting trainer whilst here. But even so, me pods are aching something frightful so they are.



Once Upon A Nightmare
Theatre
Box Step Productions
The Counting House (you have no idea how many times I've fatally mistyped one of those words this week)

Excellent stuff from last year's Death Ship 666 people, telling the story of what happens to the young heroes of a children's adventure after they return from misty magic land Somnia. Like TV's Once Upon A Time with dollops of Neil Gaiman and Alan Moore, this is a child friendly adventure with gags for all, lightning costume changes (I'm thinking of Wendy to Amastris particularly) and a terrifying comic relief in the form of Sackface (who sounded distressingly like Old Greg from the Mighty Boosh). A good musical number in the middle and jolly good fun all round.



Bum, that was too long - better slim these down....



10 Films With My Dad
Comedy
Adrian Goatley I think
Somewhere over by Princes Street

Forgive me, Adrian Goatley I think, I wimped out of the trek across town for your show, though I'm sure it was excellent. The mind was willing but the flesh, oh the feeble flesh.



Instead, we had lunch in a frightfully hot Turkish cafe opposite the BBC festival place that we've never been arsed to visit and then CJ and I went to Forbidden Planet. I bought issues 2, 4 and 5 of Marvel's Original Sin event. The mind was weak too.



The Haunting of Lopham House
Comedy
Tom Neenan
A bunker under the Pleasance

Well performed one-man ghost story spoofing The Woman In Black and various MR James efforts. Tom Neenan works his clever wordplay into nearly every line of a tale about a chap investigating strange deaths and spooky phenomena in and around the titular house in 1910 Norfolk (I think). The sound effects genuinely made me jump. Splendid stuff.



Knightmare Live: Level 2
Comedy
The Knightmare Live guys
Pleasance

Hurrah for Knightmare Live! The return of Tregard of Dunshelm, Lord Fear, Binki the goblin and the rest. Granitas (or Olgarth) seems to have got an upgrade this year, and the dragon (spoilers!) was so good it got a massive whoop of applause. Again mixing actual Knightmare-style TV gameplay with a plot steered by the two excellent leads Paul Flannery and Tom Bell with great chemistry, they and we revel in the near panto-like atmosphere, as we cheer satchels and being in a room. My handy dandy Fringe map in its lovely cardboard bogroll tube make a guest appearance as a prop (photo to follow), which affords me the excuse to nip backstage afterward and say hello to Tom Bell. Lovely chaps.



This Shit Just Got Reel
Dance
The Clootie Dumplings
The Frooty Goose

And entertaining hour of combined filthy comedy and highland dance from the lively performers of the Clootie Dumplings, students at the Strathclyde College of Proctology. I especially enjoyed their Gay Gordons whilst carrying out a routine prostate examination. A show that will haunt me for some time.



Extreme Humans
Comedy
The Lazy Susans
Pleasance That (a portakabin round the side)

Quickfire sketches from two very talented performers, this show fills a gap in our schedule left by the much-missed Dog Eared Collective. Interleaved character situations and running gags that call back to each other, suggesting a shared universe. Excellent quick costume changes (and moustache drawing) and well observed characters in performers of such youth. Would love to see more of them and pray that they achieve success without being fed into the production line of BBC3 comedy.



The Dark Room
Comedy
John Robertson
Underbelly, oh stinky crowded Underbelly

Totally different format to everything else we've seen, John Robertson blacks out the room and moves about us as a disembodied face, as one by one, members of the audience take their chances in the Dark Room. Based on the old text adventures of the 80s and 90s, the player is presented with limited choices which lead either to nowhere, verbal abuse or Death. Or all three. By the end of the show, we are all chanting along with the opening lines of the game, You awake to find yourself in a dark room. Nostalgic and crowd-pleasing. A cult exercise in futility.



Marcel Lucont Is
Comedy
Alexis Dubus
Pleasance Dome (that big student union building with the comedy muriel inside in previous years)

Accomplished observations and mild arrogance from France's most laid back raconteur. I genuinely felt my blood pressure lower during the performance. Which is a good thing, I mean. Marcel takes his time, makes us enjoy the pauses and the silence, and methodically works his way through a glass or two of wine as he treats us to poetry and extracts from his autobiography Moi. A bit of Q and A at the end which is a bit of a gamble as it depends on just the right Qs to A, but a most polished show. Make sure you don't get stuck behind Americans with large heads like we did.



Licence To Laugh
Comedy
Joe Bain, Various
The White horse down the bottom of the Royal Mile

A very late show for us, as we catch up with CJ to see him headlining a stand-up showcase hour hosted by Joe Bain. Herself and I must first apologise to Joe again for accidentally accepting an invitation to take part in one of his earlier shows - oh the perils of a Facebook invite. The show is a mixed bag of monsters, to quote the 1975 Dr Who Monster Book, with highlights for me being a young chap called Rodders, who had quite a way about him, and Mr CJ himself, making the deaf swearing/Alan Bennett/sexual harassment comedy subgenre his very own :)



And so to bed, after dragging a hyper CJ past the comedy bus in the Three Sisters courtyard, where he fancied squeezing in a 1:30am slot. Herself suggested that the two cop cars that had just pulled up outside did not bode well for the quality of the audience.


8 shows tomorrow. Feck.